Squeaky swings and tall grass

Remember that scene from a particular Family Guy episode, when Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire, and Joe walk into a karaoke bar and sing "Don't Stop Believin'", and the whole town is drawn into their musical aura, because, let's face it, who doesn't love that song, especially when it's sung by amateurs? Well, I lost my karaoke virginity to Steve Perry and the rest of Journey the other night. It really is a magical song to stand up and sing in front of a bunch of drunks.

I've been finding myself really lonely of late, in a weird way. Not because I have nothing to do and no one around to care about me. I love my roommates, and they love me, and we spend a lot of time together. My parents are in town and wish they could see me more often. There are plenty of other people in town to spend quality time with, and I do that. I guess I'm missing spending time with people I simply can't spend time with, due to distance. I also wish I could be with those I care about who are lonely because they don't have too many people around who care about them. That hurts me the most, knowing that a friend is in need and being unable to do anything about it.

I'm also lonely for certainty. I miss knowing what's coming next. Not in a mundane sense, but in simply in knowing that I am working toward a goal, rather than working toward finding a goal to work toward. I had that through school, working toward getting a degree and moving on with the rest of my life. Now I'm neck deep in the rest of my life, but don't really have any idea what the rest of my life is about yet. I know this isn't a new feeling, not even to my own experience, but it's really hit me hard in the past few weeks. Being neck deep in anything and not having a plan for either getting out or submerging is an uncomfortable spot. My recurring fantasy of late has been finding a way of becoming independently wealthy somehow (inventing a new cookie, finding a cheap way to implement solar power, starting my own indie band) then spending the rest of my life on a beach in Sonora, Mexico, teaching the children of Mexico how to be marine biologists so together they can save the Gulf of California.

I also want a boyfriend. I said it. Lame and far too typical, but true.

For this week, however, my main goal is to examine myself in the light of Ephesians 4:17-32, confess, and seek to change the things in my life that passage brings out. And maybe work a bit harder to stop ending my sentences with prepositions, which I've done a LOT in this post, and probably none of you really care about.